Mortality

For the last several weeks, I've been grieving over the loss of a friendship. It's been a bit bewildering, since I couldn't imagine what I'd done to offend my friend Coastie. We spoke on July 3rd about getting together with an old shipmate of mine for the 4th, agreed that I'd call when I had directions for her the next morning, and though I called several times the next day, she never answered.

Typical of me, I wondered what I might have said or done that she hadn't responded to my calls. I also wondered if something was really wrong, but after three or four days, I dismissed that nagging thought, because her husband or her daughter would call me.

Coastie is the last woman I dated seriously. We ended the romantic phase of our relationship five years ago, and after a cooling off period of about a month, we resumed our friendship. I admit it was difficult at times, but when either of us has needed someone to come through in a pinch, the other has been there.

Coastie has been married for about three years to a guy I genuinely like because, quite frankly, he's so much like me. I did the photography for their wedding. Last month, when she turned 40, I called to wish her a happy birthday and was on the phone with her when her husband and daughter sprung the "surprise" on her. I know from experience that it's next to impossible to surprise her...she notices things, which was why I fell in love with her all those years ago.

Hers is not a friendship I'd care to lose. Even though she's married and has other obligations now, and she's moved the San Francisco Bay Area, she's on that short list of people I know I can rely on. I'm on her list, too.

So, when she called to say she'd be stuck in LA for the July 4th weekend and would I like to hang out, I jumped on it. She's fun and funny and my daughters adore her, too. It was a simple thing to ask my old shipmate if I could bring along a friend.

On the 4th, I called when we hit the road. I called again when we got closer. I called when we got there. I checked messages often. Not a word from Coastie.

Several days later, I called and paraphrased Billy Crystal from "When Harry Met Sally". "So, either a) you're out of cell coverage, b) you forgot to charge your phone again and can't get your messages, c) mad at me for something and don't want to talk to me, or d) desperately want to talk to me but trapped under something heavy and can't get to the phone."

It turns out that she'd had a heart attack.

At least, that's what the the ER docs think happened.

Another doctor thinks it was a muscle spasm in her chest that caused the shooting pain in her left arm and shortness of breath. Another thinks it was an anxiety attack.

She called yesterday to apologize for not calling before, but she's been in the hospital off and on for three weeks. She's 40. She works out and she's got no family history of heart disease. And she's had a couple more "episodes" since...and no one knows what's causing it. She hadn't checked her cell phone messages since July 3rd.

Knowing her, she's not telling me everything. I am concerned for her, and for her daughters and her husband.

And somehow, the knowledge that she's a tough, resourceful lady isn't very comforting at the moment. Yesterday, Coastie sounded like she's been brought down more than a few notches.