Kicking and Screaming

Last Sunday morning, Sihaya asked me why I haven’t written anything here in a while.  I told her quite honestly that I didn’t have much to say, and that there wasn’t much time to say anything I did consider worthy of a note here.

For that, I apologize.  One of my blogging friends wrote to me several months ago to say that she hadn’t posted in a long while because she was happy, and mused that her inspiration to write must have come largely from her earlier unhappiness.  I suppose that’s been true of me, too – I wrote from a sense that not writing left me incomplete somehow.

This is not to say that I am suddenly complete and now no longer need the soothing effect that comes from slathering words on a page, it’s just that, well, now that I have someone with whom I can share those thoughts as they occur, I’m not so likely to throw my thoughts out into the void.

For this, I apologize.  I feel as though I haven’t been a terribly good friend.  

On the other hand, the lack of “Where are you?” e-mails seems to indicate that my erstwhile readers have drawn the conclusion that I have wandered off on a happier path, and presumably all wish me well and so haven’t felt a pressing need to send out a search party.  I am not, after all, unaccounted for.

There is another aspect to my silence: my steadfast refusal to finish the last topic I started.  Richard Bach once wrote that he hated writing and that an idea had to drag him kicking and screaming to the page and jam a pencil in his hand before he’d put words on paper, and I know exactly how he feels.

It was a post about old fears and their effects on new relationships, and it remains unfinished, perhaps because the lesson it chronicles is still being processed.  I am deeply grateful for my Sihaya’s patience – and perhaps that is all that needs to be said on the subject.

So, for those of you who wondered – I am still here.  Almost as importantly, I am happy.  I’ll write more soon…I have a couple subjects I feel are worth writing about…but for now, thanks for checking back.