Who Knew?

Screenwriting Expo 5, end of Day Three: wow.  Amazing day.

I should tell you first how I did in the Creative Screenwriting Open: Much better than I expected.  I know that I am a good writer, but I will admit that the only reason I signed up for the CS Open was that my brother-in-law wanted to compete.  Since he and I are writing partners, I thought we’d be able to compete together.

This did not turn out to be the case.

When I first realized this, I had a moment of panic.  I’ve never written anything like a script…lots of professional writing, quite a few blog posts, one novel (and parts of two others)…but never a script.

And then I realized that how I did wasn’t as important as what I learned from the experience.  This seemed to calm me down.

The rules for the CS Open went like this: Each screenwriter would be given a scene description, a pencil and paper, and 90 minutes in which to script it.  Entries would be judged on structure, dialogue, style, and originality.  

This was my scene: “Your ANTAGONIST has just suffered a defeat at the hands of the protagonist.  Licking his wounds, the antagonist rallies his ALLIES (or henchmen) and plots a counter-offensive.  But one of the allies is beginning to have second thoughts. In as non-cliché a manner as possible, write this scene in which the bad guy tries to regroup while facing subtle resistance from one of his own.”

Here’s my entry:

FADE IN: A PRESCHOOL CLASSROOM. Twelve children and their teacher are seated in a circle on a colorful carpet.  A thirteenth child, HEATHER HARDWICK, is seated on a chair in the corner, facing the wall.

               HEATHER
          (straining to catch
          attention of nearest
          child, a girl)
     Pssst!

               JENNY CARSON
          (mouthed silently)
     No!

Heather hikes her seat around slightly, half an inch closer to the group.

               HEATHER
     Pssst!  Jenny!

The ball rolls between Jenny Carson and Stevie Plimpton, toward Heather’s chair. Both Jenny and Stevie run to retrieve it.

               JENNY
          (whispering)
     What?

               MISS PRENDERGAST
     Jenny?  Hurry up, Honey.  Leave Heather
alone while she’s in time out.

               JENNY
          (looks apologetically
at HEATHER)
     Yes, Miss Prendergast!

Jenny and Stevie run back to the circle with the ball. Jenny rolls the ball across the circle.

               JENNY
     House!

Heather hikes her seat a little further.

               HEATHER
          (whispers)
     Jenny!

Jenny lets the ball roll by her again.  This time, Miss Prendergast is distracted by another student.  Jenny runs to get the ball, but Heather picks it up first.

               JENNY
          (whispers)
     What do you want? You’re going to
     get me in trouble, too!

               HEATHER
          (whispers)
     I hate Miss Prendergast and her
     stupid games! If we ruin the game,
     she’ll let us play outside.

               JENNY
          (whispers)
     How?

               HEATHER
          (whispers)
     You know how she is when
     a kid gets sick?  What if
     me, you, and Stevie all got
     sick at the same time?

               JENNY
     Ewwww!

Both girls look at Miss Prendergast, who now notices them talking.

               MISS PRENDERGAST
     Break it up, Girls! Please don’t
     make me have to tell you again.

Jenny grabs the ball and goes back to the circle.

               JENNY
          (looking back at HEATHER
           and mouthing)
     Gross!

Jenny rolls the ball across the circle.

               JENNY
     Kitty!

Jenny looks back at Heather, who pantomimes shoving two fingers down her throat.

               JENNY
          (whispering to STEVIE)
     Heather wants us to throw up
and spoil the game.

Stevie glances at Heather, who pantomimes gagging herself again.

               STEVIE
          (whispering to JENNY)
     Cool!

               JENNY
          (whispering to STEVIE)
     It’s gross!

               STEVIE
          (whispering to JENNY)
     Three kids sick at the same time?     That would be cool!

Jenny looks at Heather, who nods encouragement.

               JENNY
          (whispering to STEVIE)
     I don’t know…

               STEVIE
          (whispering to JENNY)
     I’m doing it! Come on!

Stevie looks at Miss Prendergast, to make sure she’s not looking.  He puts his fingers in his mouth.

Jenny looks one last time at Heather, who nods encouragement, her own fingers in her mouth.

Jenny looks at Miss Prendergast, and quickly jams her fingers down her throat.  She wretches.

Stevie does the same.

Heather smiles, hitches her seat back to the wall and places her hands in her lap.

FADE OUT

Now, when my brother-in-law and I were headed back over to get our pages after they’d been graded, he asked, “How do you think you did?”  

I told him that I’d be happy if I scored over 30 points, and very happy if I received a score in the 40s.

When I pulled my pages out of the file folder, I was shocked at the score: 81!

The reader liked my sense of action, but felt that the dialogue was too on the nose and that the stakes were not high enough.  

Not bad for the first time…essentially, without any training or real awareness of how to develop a movie scene, or even how to put it in writing, I got a B.  

Apparently, I can write.