Belated Holiday Greetings

I know that it’s been a while since I posted, but I have been on a quest of sorts, searching for just the perfect greeting for the New Year (and, in fact, the Entire Holiday Season, whatever you conceive it to be).  I cannot claim to have written this, but it’s worth putting up here, anyhow.

Here it is, my New Year’s Greeting to you all:

Dear All (not to imply that you should also hold me dear),

Please accept with no obligation, implied or expressed, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

Here’s to a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great, (not to imply that our country is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

And, as always, the above greeting is void where prohibited by law.

With Platonic Love (and Non-sexual Affection),
Kurt