My Car Thinks I Need A Wife

Way back somewhere I mentioned that I just got a 2005 BMW 525i. Yes, it's a lease. Shut up.

The list of features on this car is so long that three months after I took delivery, I'm still discovering things about it. This morning, I discovered yet another feature, one that makes it seem as though the car wants me to be married.

No, this is not Herbie, Das Uberinsekt. I will explain: The car comes with two "master" keys. Each of these keys has an integrated controller for the door locks, trunk, and alarm system, as well as having a built-in encryption device that provides the only means for starting the engine. Power for this little Hyperkey comes from a battery that recharges automatically through the ignition switch as you drive the car. (You gotta love the elegance of German engineering.)

Now, when I was married, it was a frequent, if minor annoyance to adjust the car seat whenever I drove her car (or whenever I got my car back from her). I'd usually just slide her driver's seat all the way back, but the car I had at the time had seats that adjusted up and down, forward and back, seat back angle, and lumbar support. Getting the car back from her required ten minutes of tweaking to get the seat back to where I liked it.

The Germans have thought of all that. The 525i comes with 24-way adjustable seats that have two memories...press a button and your seat goes to the way you like it. A lot of cars have that, and the Germans have taken it a step further: When the doors are unlocked with the master key remote, the seat automatically moves to where it was the last time that key was used. It also adjusts the side mirrors and steering wheel tilt.

I knew all this as Owner's Manual Theory and had never tried it out because, hey, I'm one guy, and I only need one key on my key ring. But the manual says to recharge each key at least once every three months. So this morning, on my way to work, I used the OTHER key.

And I discovered that not only does the key make the seat, side mirrors and steering wheel move, it also sets the stereo (including the stations set in memory) and climate control (along with about two dozen convenience settings I didn't have time to discover during my three mile drive to work). It was exactly the way I left it the day I drove home from the dealership and hung that key on the rack in the kitchen.

There you have it...my car has already made accomodations for my future wife.

Apparently, the key to my heart has a BMW emblem on it.