Sometimes, I Am An Idiot

Do you ever find yourself wondering about past choices you've made that took you down a disappointing path? You know, choosing what's behind Door Number 2 and finding out it's a baby elephant.*

I've been thinking about one such choice I made a couple years ago in my neighborhood post office. Concluding my business and turning away from the service counter, a feminine voice said, "Do you think this needs two stamps?"

I glanced in the direction of the voice and stopped; the woman was speaking to me. Our eyes met. Hers were warm and friendly. Mine were probably alot like those of a deer facing a train.

I looked around the lobby, wondering why she was asking me, when I was leaving and there was a fairly large group of customers in line with her. (There always is in my neighborhood post office.) Why is she asking me? I thought.

I'm often shy, but always friendly. "How heavy is it?" I asked.

She handed me the envelope, and I weighed it in the palm of my hand as though that would somehow help me determine if its bulk exceeded one and a half ounces.

I looked earnestly at her...she was a pretty brunette, short hair, perhaps 5' 4", a slender but curvy figure. On the bench behind her sat a girl of about 9 or 10 who might have been her daughter.

I could think of nothing to say, except, "I have no idea. They'll weigh it for you at the counter, though." Even as I said it, in spite of my apologetically helpful tone, I knew, knew I was missing something important. In the moment, I could not, for the life of me, think of what it was.

Walking home, it dawned on me: The woman was hitting on me! She wanted to strike up a conversation with me and see where it led us...and I was too stupid to recognize it.

Over the years, I've come up with some good responses to her question:

"I bet ya 37 cents it won't be more than one stamp."

Or even waiting in the outer lobby for her to finish and asking, "So was it one or two? Feel like a cup of coffee?"

I wonder how many times people have looked at me and didn't have the courage to ask even as lame a question as "one stamp or two", and couldn't think of anything better, so they simply put their head down and chastised themselves for it later. I know I've lost count of the number of times it's happened to me. I can think of five or six in the last week.

Life, unlike "Let's Make a Deal!", never shows you what's really behind the Unchosen Door. Sometimes, you get a glimpse of what it might have been, but most times you don't, and you're left to fill in the details with your own imagination. But the truth is that no one can imagine anything as rich and full and vivid as reality.

Maybe that's what's been missing in my life...why I'm not meeting anyone. I haven't shown the courage to ask a dumb question.

I gotta work on that.

*I actually have a baby elephant story. More on that another time.