Dating Makes Me Insane

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." -- Benjamin Franklin (often attributed to Albert Einstein, who undoubtedly said it too, but when he did, he would have been quoting Ben Franklin.)

Last year, after looking long and hard at all the relationships, attempted relationships and failed relationships in my life...and fruitlessly searching for something they all had in common...I realized that the one thing they all shared was...(drum roll, please)...me.

I took a year off from dating. I examined my behavior, and I adjusted my priorities and all of that other psychobabular stuff that men are supposed to do in the Post-Dr.-Phil world. After all of that, I realized that I didn't do well if I didn't know where I stood with a woman. I was worse if a woman let me know where I stood and then withdrew even a little. Hey, I'd think, what happened? Things were fine yesterday! What changed? And in there, somewhere, I'd start acting all needy and creepy.

The conclusion I came to was that I need to relax. Just relax. It shouldn't matter so much that I don't know where I stand...my life is good WITHOUT a woman in it. Really.

So, I reentered the dating world with that in mind. It doesn't matter...not really...I'm a good man and it'll happen eventually. Unless. I. Force. It.

Friday night, I went on a date. We'd met through Match.com, and exchanged e-mails and phone calls daily for three weeks. It was pretty obvious that we clicked. We're both at a place in our lives where we have weight to lose and are doing something about it, we both have kids, we made each other laugh. She stressed a number of times that she is an old fashioned girl, and I rather like that. When I arrived at her place to pick her up on Friday night, I was pleasantly surprised to find that she's prettier in person than in her pictures. The conversation flowed, we had fun, and neither of us wanted the evening to end. We ended up back at her place, where we talked until around midnight, kissed and hugged good night and I went home, aware of (and hopeful for) the possibilities.

So far, so good, right?

I think so, too.

Here's where I go insane. Aware of her comment that she's an old fashioned girl, I did not make an overt attempt to kiss her while we sat on her couch talking. I did touch her hair, and hold her hand, which she seemed to enjoy, but I didn't press it further. When she kissed me good night, I responded warmly. At least I think I did. I hope she got that impression.

On Friday afternoon, I had read Kristy Sammis' post about men making women crazy by not calling after a date, so I decided to head that one off at the pass...I knew my date had a busy day on Saturday, but I called her anyway and left voice mail. Nothing big, just, "Hey, I had a great time last night and I hope we can get together again soon." She was tired that night, but e-mailed me to say that she had a good time, too. We chatted online briefly and agreed to talk again on Sunday evening.

I called when I said I would. (Okay, I was 5 minutes late.) I got her voice mail. She hasn't called back or e-mailed today...so her behavior has changed since Friday. Or has it? I don't know.

She could just be busy.

I thought about e-mailing her ("Hey, have a great day today!") but decided that e-mailing her today before she's responded to my voice mail might come across as too needy. (Not gonna do it. Wouldn't be prudent. Not at this juncture.)

What's nagging at me is a line from "Kate & Leopold" where Leopold says something to the effect that, "the ball should never be in her court. You must hold the initiative, if you're to win her heart."

So, this is how I get crazy. I think about it too much.

I'm not going to write her...damn it. I'll let it go a couple days, and then write. Or call.

Then again, maybe I won't.

Shit.

Shit.