Disappointing Wet Dreams

I ran into my old gym teacher last night. In a dream.

No, I did not have a wet dream about Mr. Corso...I'll get to that part later.

It was a strange dream. I was in a car at a stop light, not driving, turned around and looked out the back window, and there was Mr. Corso, driving the car behind us. He looked exactly the same as he did when I was 12, and I remember thinking how weird that was. I couldn't think of his name, but I looked down at the license plate on his car, and read "CORSO". (He did actually have vanity plates on his car, but they said, "YOU BET" which was his favorite thing to shout whenever someone did something he considered worthy on the basketball court.)

So, I'm sitting there, thinking that this must be a dream, when I realize that now our cars have merged and Mr. Corso is basically sitting in my back seat. He asks about my friend, and when I turn to look at where he's pointing, I find that I have a girlfriend. I introduce them:

Me: "Uh...This is Mr. Corso, my old gym teacher. (Pause to wave arm expansively at girlfriend) Mr. Corso, this is...uh..."

Mr. Corso: "It's nice to meet you, Uh."

(I swear I am not making that up.)

I had realized, as I was introducing my girlfriend to my gym teacher, that I did not know my girlfriend's name. It wasn't that I'd forgotten it...I just never knew it. Which is logical since I don't have a girlfriend.

My dream girlfriend didn't seem concerned by any of this, but then, she didn't seem to be able to speak.

Mr. Corso waited patiently through a longish uncomfortable lull in the conversation, then politely excused himself in case this should turn out to be a sex dream. "You'll know what to do," he said. "We talked about that, remember?"

"You bet," I said.

I know what to do in theory, at least.

The problem with my sex dreams is that I never seem to get off during any of them.

The women I dream about seem to be enjoying themselves, though, so I don't think that's the problem.

In middle school, when they got all the boys together for "The Class" and Mr. Corso started talking about how wet dreams were natural...I thought, "What the hell is a wet dream?" He told those of us with perplexed expressions not to worry, that we'd have them, too. Well, I'm 43 now, and I still haven't. Not even with Mr. Corso's express permission last night.

So, Mr. Corso, if you still have those old grade books from 1973, go ahead and mark this incomplete, too...right alongside right-handed layups and climbing that damn rope.